RENDIE, Hector Peterson Museum

cultural day, TUTsosh north

THE RIVER OF LIFE

With my eyes turning blue and my heart hanging by a thread, i was sure that my life was reaching the finishing line. The temple of my soul was falling apart and no angel was picking up the pieces. Did god abandon me? Did my ancestors forsake me? I asked questions morning in and morning out. There were no relevant listeners and there were no replies in return. The thirst for success was there, yet the chains that imprisoned my soul to failure where getting stronger by the sec. my heart was in pain, it was just like it survived the last kick of a dying horse. It was just like chasing shadows, or watching that silly little puppy trying to catch its own tail. I was told more than a million times that a dark force was chasing after my success, whom were they kidding, I was a non-believer.

The nightmares still took advantage of my peaceful sleep, yet the crazy day dreams took advantage of the only light I see in my life. With everything I touch turning to a worthless mineral and every morning being the weary shadow of the past; I was sure in fact I was certain that the grave that I seek was near. Unfortunately, for most people who thought that they knew me, this was not right, to them…..I deserved to live. Six feet under the earth was what my heart desired, at least it fancied something.

Why am I here? Why is my life such a filthy mess? When will my turn come? This boisterous life is really tiresome. The more I think about it, the more I get confused, it’s like being in a pool of sand, the more you wiggle, the deeper you sink. I try making my own choices, it’s a pity that they always turn out to be wrong choices, I guess it’s true, the wrong path is the longest way, yes for once if not twice in my life, I was right. Just like you, I walked in the tunnels and yes I saw the light, as i expected, it was the light of an oncoming train.

What’s real, what’s not, I couldn’t differentiate between the two, I was not even sure that I was still alive, in fact I was not even sure if I was ever alive. It was pointless taking the next breath and waking up in the morning was just another road which I just had to walk. The thirst for success was still there, it was never quenched, not even for a sec, yet my heart was doing the thinking while my brains where doing the pounding. My life was just a rollercoaster which was powered by venom. Most people thought that they had problems, no…. they do not know the first thing about problems.

What was I doing wrong and what was I not doing right? I guess that’s a stupid thing to ask. I am stupid am I?  No says the one who redeems, the one who doesn’t leave his children in darkness. Vision, perseverance and persistence is the way, yes persistence pays off. It’s true what they say,” we must first face the thunderstorm in order to see a rainbow. The chain might be strong but your mind is stronger, even the strongest chain has got a weak spot. There is a purpose in every homo-sapiens’ life and anyone can find his or hers. I am just another ordinary soon to be 20 year old male black South African. I am like you who feel lost and still crave for more of the good life. The road is wide and golden, just make sure that, that index finger of yours is clean, so you can always point to the right direction and guess what, this isn’t the wrong path, and this is the recommended path.

Like any naturally conceived being, I am still striving for perfection. I am tired of this world of dirt and these minds of insanity. The real world is waiting and only those who believe will make it. It is not I you should look up to; just look lower your eyes to your left side of the sternum and start believing from there. The world is changing every day and it is would really suit you if you adapt with the changes. no matter how far the finish line is, no matter how steep the road is, no matter how high the mountain is, just have the determination of a mirror which never loses its ability to reflect whatever, scary, beautiful and whatever, it shows reality, believe me, the world is all about reality, your dreams are just a tripod which stabilizes your moves.

They can call you whatever, do whatever, and even put a hex on you, just remember that you have a right to be wherever you are, whether or not it is clear to them. Do not let your vision end only with physical eyes, no it goes beyond that…. eyes are just windows to soul.  I have been called many things in my life, a fool, and idiot and yes I have been called a devil. I did not bow down to any threats and I do not intend to. My good side will never be abused and the dark side will never be awakened.

My time will come and I will conquer this world, do not worry, yours will come too. This world belongs to doers, not thinkers. The world is no longer in the hands of philosophers. This life is not a drama and the world is not a stage, this world is not a movie and i am not your narrator. It has been said many times that your future is in your hands, clean hands. You will never stumble if you know your way, you will plough if you want to rip and yes you will win if you fight. It’s not about tackling hard; it’s about tackling smart and neatly. it’s not about rocking from dusk to dawn, it’s about sleeping peacefully and dreaming big, my friend it’s no longer about what she says or what he thinks, it’s no longer about the survival of the fittest, this is the survival of the finest.

I am glad I saw the light at an early stage; I am early that I know for sure, I am certain that there is a purpose that I must fulfill. My god has already given me credit for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Believe what your mind tells you to, but I am telling you my friend, this is nothing but the truth. No matter how hard I suffered, I finally saw the light.

My name is Ratshilima Rendani an ordinary boy, who knows a little bit of this and does a little bit of that. I am glad my life did not end, when I was uncaring and cold as a stone. I thank god for re-warming my blood and giving me a purpose in life, this is surely not to educate, but I do hope that you have learned a thing or two, in fact a lot. I thank the lord for giving a hand for which I could write and a great mind. I may not be the next Ian Styne, but I am the first Rendani Ratshilima who has a different good purpose in life. I hope you will enjoy your labors. God has blessed me, he will surely bless you.  I cannot predict the future, nor write out fortune cards, but what I do know for sure is that you will attain if you focus and head to a cleaner direction. Where there is a will, there is a way; my first grade teacher taught me that. My grandmother always said that great things take time to happen, but greater things will happen only if you allow them, I read in to this saying and I now understand what she meant. My father says that Philiphise ndi tshilonda, fhedzi ndi tshilonda tsha u di todela (VENDA), I am still trying to figure out what he means by that.  Rendani stays blessed, and he remembers that GOD loves him no matter what you conceive him to be. Don’t be surprised I wrote this for you. Thank you.

unneccsary strikes

this strikes at TUT are realy starting to get on my nerves. people just strike because they think its a kind of some silly game, the just want to have fun while their future is just going down the drain

i am thirsty

I took it as an unquenchable thirst! The competition was tough; the pressure was high, looking at others with the sense of inferiority and scepticism. Boisterous acts, inhumanely lifestyles, and clandestine filling up that temple of darkness which everyone called my heart. Fun, extenuation of problem, defying the odds, rage, obliviousness, with question running around looking for answers there will never find. My mind was searching, searching and searching for the power and superiority. I walked, walked and walked through these different roads, yet the odyssey was for nothing. Is the burden yet to come? I ask myself, with my heart doing the thinking and my brains doing the pounding. All this years I struggled yet I travelled to the most famous place “nowhere”.

Am I still alive? I pinch myself…..yes “said my flesh, but my soul was ignorant, my eyes were blind and without doubt my brain was lobotomized. My soul is afraid of change, of the real world, of reality, my soul is afraid of the truth. I have walked many roads and I have passed through the right turn. Was I oblivious or was I ignorant? The questions remain unanswered. Stupidly and idiotically I searched and the answers were making my heels a sleigh. What am I doing wrong and what am I not doing right? I guess that’s the most stupid thing to ask. I am stupid…….am I? No! Cupid said. Before my next breath, his arrow was already through my heart.

My soul shook, my brains froze and my heart skipped a beat. Rebirth…..baptism, I couldn’t differentiate the two. For the millionth time, my grandmother was right. “Good things take time, but greater things happen all at once”. I saw his mercy; indeed he will never live his children in darkness. All those years I walked through those different roads, ignoring the three most precious roads, life, love and you. I sang the rhythm of life, the rhythm of love and I had no tune. I found you, I found my steps, I found my rhythm.” In the rhythm of life we find ourselves out of the tune, but as long as there are special people like you…, the melody plays on! For the first time, I spoke the truth; you smiled and swept me off my feet with that raspy voice.

You uplifted my spirit and took my breath away. Believe me it was the greatest experience known to man. I spoke a language that even I don’t understand. You took me to wonderland and to paradise I journeyed. You became the essence of my soul and with every bit of my limb I exalted you as my angel and in my ears the sons and daughters of light were playing earth’s lowliest and loudest tunes. I started believing in fairytales and everything that is believed to be a myth and what I am yet to discover. You made me to swim in the river of life. I posed so many questions that no man on earth could answer except for me.

I searched my vocabulary once again and it took be by surprise when I found that I was missing one little famous word. I became overexcited and I behaved like a child and yes you did not care. You did not care one bit. The little word was heavy, the heaviest weight in my heart and I had to glance and kneel down in order to spell it out. The word is precious and it had to be covered up with something, something true and believing. The word is love and I had to put it between you and I. for the first time in my life I finally spoke of love, I always thought that it is for the weak and stupid.  I held it in my heart and took it in my mouth and wherever I go I spoke of it and how precious you are. The word was between you and I when I said I love you. Yes I love you.

heal my broken heart

It is a normal feeling, why shouldn’t I be worried, when every step you take, takes you further and further away from me. The world is full of troubles, trickery, pain, deception and temptations, but not in my yard. I wonder why the fuck this whole bullshit is always on your plate. You want it all, that’s for sure. Is like you tend to curse my love and fuck up my life anytime you get the chance. If you do not understand how much I love you by now, you will never know what love is. My heart beats for you, and every time it pumps, it’s like a venomous thorn right in the temple of my soul.

I wish life was like a tape I could rewind and re- record. Why is your love so boisterous? Is it a play or a drama of some sort? If this is a game, I will play no more. I wish someday I will get the opportunity to finally lose a tear of joy when I think of you. I’m tired of this unsatisfying human degrading parasitic love of yours. I am willing to take a chance of losing you, preferably forever, before you take away the little pride that I have left.

They call you a sexy, beautiful chick, all of them. Even the closest soul to me spells it out to me. I say you are a bimbo, yes beautiful but unintelligent. You say you love me yet you take away every little joy that I work for. Sometimes I pinch myself in your presence wishing all this catastrophic were only a bad dream, a very bad dream. I subjected myself to a nightmare the first time I laid my eyes on you. I ask myself, why did cupid have to be so cruel? Why did god abandon me? Why the fuck did my ancestors forsake me?

I wish I could just defy the odds of gravity and fly away, to a place where my first grade teacher told me about, a place where every priest, true or fake, they talk about it. A very famous place written in the scriptures, yes that’s heaven. I do not know if it is the right way but I am prepared to do the inevitable. I will break this chain of our so called bond. Even the strongest chain has got a weak spot and I will find it come rain come sun shine.

You will torment yourself when the rain cloud gathers. The only reason you are in my heart is because of hatred and rage that I have towards you. You are one sick mother fucker. You pretend to be an angel when you are a demon sent straight from hell to end lives. I guess that’s one of the main reasons why you sleep with every guy who falls for your traps. Hopefully I will see the rainbow at the end of this heavy stormy rain of terror, there will be justice. The big guy upstairs will never leave his children in darkness.

For how long shall I kneel down to your empty threats? I like to be uncommon if I like, but it doesn’t mean that I lack qualities. I am a human being, why can’t you behave like one. Whatever you may conceive this world to be, better look before you leap because it might blind you on what virtue there is in this world. Whatever you do, the birds will still sing, the plants will still be green and yes tomorrow the sun will shine as ever.

Enjoy all your labors and aspirations and whether or not it is clear to you I am human with feeling and I do have a right to be loved. I am the child of the earth and it owes me a lot that you can’t offer so see you when life rejects you and death offer you a lift, to hell. So long, I wish very long. I wish forever and eternity could work hand in hand to prevent you from seeing me. Thanks, thank you for leaving and I accept your broken heart. Bad bye……………………………..

i right what i like.....following the footsteps

SA YOUTH’ROAD TO KNOW WHERE

It’s all about living fast and dying young. It’s all about joy and rocking from dust to dawn. It’s about looking at each other with the sense of inferiority and skepticism and travelling to the most famous place “nowhere”. South Africa is one of the most successful countries in the world with one of the most acceptable constitutions worldwide, yet is one of those countries with the most undisciplined youth. What’s the rush when you are only going to crush? You are probably wondering why I am asking this question. I form part of the youth myself, but I just can’t help to question. I can’t explain this feeling, I think about it everyday. It’s like being in a pool of sand, the more you wiggle, and the deeper you sink.

The government is trying its best to provide the scarce resources which can actually shape up our lives, yet we just throw it right back at their faces. Tomorrow when the morning comes we find someone to blame for our problems. The world is not a stage, drama or a novel. The bill of rights states it clearly that every right in South Africa has a responsibility. Whether or not it is clear to you, every second makes you grow older.

The government has provided plenty and yes we are doing zero. Our plates are full, yet we can’t find anything useful to do with the food. We must face the thunderstorm in order to see the rainbow. We must work hard and stop blaming someone for our badly cooked recipes. We have the world in our hands, we just have to choose where we want to place it. South Africa is full of opportunities and yes we are the children of South Africa. This is a multi racial country which is very united and full of opportunities at the same time. Let’s strike the iron while it is still hot.

We have the chance to be whoever we want to be, to be wherever we want to be. All we have to do is to have the determination of a mirror which never loses its ability to reflect. It seems as if we look up to our parents for everything. They have been here yesterday and today, I promise you, they are not going to be here tomorrow, this I know for sure.

Let’s grow up as quick as possible, believe me south Africa will grow with us. We have paralyzed our paradise, South Africa. We are the rainbow nation with bright colors that always reflect good things. Why can’t we live with that code? Is it so hard to make a future for yourself, a bright future to be precise? We can all do it; even the strongest chain has got a weak spot and no matter who you are and where you are you can find the weak spot.

I do not think we deserve this name (youth) cause we always point at the other direction. It seems as if few of our hearts still survive, just a few. Have the thirst for success and strive to be happy. The thirst has to be unquenchable. Let’s respect ourselves, our country, our parents, but most of all, lets respect each other and live our lives to the fullest not the foulest. Thank you