With my eyes turning blue and my heart hanging by a thread, i was sure that my life was reaching the finishing line. The temple of my soul was falling apart and no angel was picking up the pieces. Did god abandon me? Did my ancestors forsake me? I asked questions morning in and morning out. There were no relevant listeners and there were no replies in return. The thirst for success was there, yet the chains that imprisoned my soul to failure where getting stronger by the sec. my heart was in pain, it was just like it survived the last kick of a dying horse. It was just like chasing shadows, or watching that silly little puppy trying to catch its own tail. I was told more than a million times that a dark force was chasing after my success, whom were they kidding, I was a non-believer.
The nightmares still took advantage of my peaceful sleep, yet the crazy day dreams took advantage of the only light I see in my life. With everything I touch turning to a worthless mineral and every morning being the weary shadow of the past; I was sure in fact I was certain that the grave that I seek was near. Unfortunately, for most people who thought that they knew me, this was not right, to them…..I deserved to live. Six feet under the earth was what my heart desired, at least it fancied something.
Why am I here? Why is my life such a filthy mess? When will my turn come? This boisterous life is really tiresome. The more I think about it, the more I get confused, it’s like being in a pool of sand, the more you wiggle, the deeper you sink. I try making my own choices, it’s a pity that they always turn out to be wrong choices, I guess it’s true, the wrong path is the longest way, yes for once if not twice in my life, I was right. Just like you, I walked in the tunnels and yes I saw the light, as i expected, it was the light of an oncoming train.
What’s real, what’s not, I couldn’t differentiate between the two, I was not even sure that I was still alive, in fact I was not even sure if I was ever alive. It was pointless taking the next breath and waking up in the morning was just another road which I just had to walk. The thirst for success was still there, it was never quenched, not even for a sec, yet my heart was doing the thinking while my brains where doing the pounding. My life was just a rollercoaster which was powered by venom. Most people thought that they had problems, no…. they do not know the first thing about problems.
What was I doing wrong and what was I not doing right? I guess that’s a stupid thing to ask. I am stupid am I? No says the one who redeems, the one who doesn’t leave his children in darkness. Vision, perseverance and persistence is the way, yes persistence pays off. It’s true what they say,” we must first face the thunderstorm in order to see a rainbow. The chain might be strong but your mind is stronger, even the strongest chain has got a weak spot. There is a purpose in every homo-sapiens’ life and anyone can find his or hers. I am just another ordinary soon to be 20 year old male black South African. I am like you who feel lost and still crave for more of the good life. The road is wide and golden, just make sure that, that index finger of yours is clean, so you can always point to the right direction and guess what, this isn’t the wrong path, and this is the recommended path.
Like any naturally conceived being, I am still striving for perfection. I am tired of this world of dirt and these minds of insanity. The real world is waiting and only those who believe will make it. It is not I you should look up to; just look lower your eyes to your left side of the sternum and start believing from there. The world is changing every day and it is would really suit you if you adapt with the changes. no matter how far the finish line is, no matter how steep the road is, no matter how high the mountain is, just have the determination of a mirror which never loses its ability to reflect whatever, scary, beautiful and whatever, it shows reality, believe me, the world is all about reality, your dreams are just a tripod which stabilizes your moves.
They can call you whatever, do whatever, and even put a hex on you, just remember that you have a right to be wherever you are, whether or not it is clear to them. Do not let your vision end only with physical eyes, no it goes beyond that…. eyes are just windows to soul. I have been called many things in my life, a fool, and idiot and yes I have been called a devil. I did not bow down to any threats and I do not intend to. My good side will never be abused and the dark side will never be awakened.
My time will come and I will conquer this world, do not worry, yours will come too. This world belongs to doers, not thinkers. The world is no longer in the hands of philosophers. This life is not a drama and the world is not a stage, this world is not a movie and i am not your narrator. It has been said many times that your future is in your hands, clean hands. You will never stumble if you know your way, you will plough if you want to rip and yes you will win if you fight. It’s not about tackling hard; it’s about tackling smart and neatly. it’s not about rocking from dusk to dawn, it’s about sleeping peacefully and dreaming big, my friend it’s no longer about what she says or what he thinks, it’s no longer about the survival of the fittest, this is the survival of the finest.
I am glad I saw the light at an early stage; I am early that I know for sure, I am certain that there is a purpose that I must fulfill. My god has already given me credit for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Believe what your mind tells you to, but I am telling you my friend, this is nothing but the truth. No matter how hard I suffered, I finally saw the light.
My name is Ratshilima Rendani an ordinary boy, who knows a little bit of this and does a little bit of that. I am glad my life did not end, when I was uncaring and cold as a stone. I thank god for re-warming my blood and giving me a purpose in life, this is surely not to educate, but I do hope that you have learned a thing or two, in fact a lot. I thank the lord for giving a hand for which I could write and a great mind. I may not be the next Ian Styne, but I am the first Rendani Ratshilima who has a different good purpose in life. I hope you will enjoy your labors. God has blessed me, he will surely bless you. I cannot predict the future, nor write out fortune cards, but what I do know for sure is that you will attain if you focus and head to a cleaner direction. Where there is a will, there is a way; my first grade teacher taught me that. My grandmother always said that great things take time to happen, but greater things will happen only if you allow them, I read in to this saying and I now understand what she meant. My father says that Philiphise ndi tshilonda, fhedzi ndi tshilonda tsha u di todela (VENDA), I am still trying to figure out what he means by that. Rendani stays blessed, and he remembers that GOD loves him no matter what you conceive him to be. Don’t be surprised I wrote this for you. Thank you.
